Once again, I am going to get left behind for a weekend. Starting to get tired of spending a few days alone every few months, it's not cool, it never was.
It just keeps hurting me more and more each time he has to go away from me, it's hardly necessary all the time when people can come see him too, but he has no say in it. It hurts me more and more each time. I just wish things didn't have to be this way. I wish that whenever he goes away he could take me with him.
That would be amazing. We could still spend time together and he could still go see his family and everything. I have never stopped him seeing his family, I don't want to do that either, specially as I think it is important to keep in touch with family and visit them when possible. But thing is, none of them ever come to visit him, they only have once in the past year.
I think I just wish I could go with him sometime, or that he didn't have to keep going away. I hate having to dread days and days because of this, dreading a selection of days all the time even weeks before.
I'm just scared that I will have to wait until we live together just to stop having to keep going through this. It's like a routine now. We have a few months together with no mention of anything and then out of nowhere, his family decide when he has to go away and for how long and it's just so... draining. I'm sick of always getting left behind. To me, being with someone, also involves being a part of their family, and right now, I don't feel like I am and I don't know if I will ever be considered part of this family. I wish things could be different. I have never done anything for these things to happen, I don't understand why they keep making him go away from me. But I'm starting to see that things will be this way for a while, so I may as well keep my feelings about this to myself from now on and just pretend that it doesn't affect me when it really just kills me inside, maybe one day I will be able to get used to it. Wish I didn't have to.
No comments:
Post a Comment