Today has been a pretty hard day for me. I have never dealt very well with distance... Especially when someone has to go away from me... Especially when that someone is the person I love, my boyfriend.
My anxiety disorder doesn't really help with anything, it never really does. Sometimes, I just wish I could get rid of my anxiety because it gets in the way of my everyday life. I know that if I didn't have anxiety, things would be a lot easier, I could teach myself how to cope with stuff a lot better. But I also know that if I didn't have anxiety, I would be a different person.
When it comes to this though, I love my boyfriend to pieces. I can't go a day without him. He goes away often with family to go see his aunty and cousins as they live 4 hours away near London so they don't really get to see each other much. I don't mind him seeing family. It's more of what the situation is. Before we got together, his family that live with him only planned for them all to go down to near London to see family two to three times a year. Thing is though, they have made plans and have gone away so many more times in the past 9 months. It really kind of hurts. I feel like I'm the reason they kind of keep making plans and dragging my boyfriend along with them.
But this time hurt more than any other time... They planned to go away on our anniversary. They went away today and today is our anniversary. That really pushed down into the wound. I respect family time. I respect the plans they make as a family but out of all the days, it seems pretty unfortunate that it had to be on our anniversary. But hey, I guess things can't always be how you want them to be. I know this will need happening until my boyfriend moves in with me. We need to get our apprenticeships first and gather enough money, that can take months or maybe even a whole year.
Each time is getting harder for me to cope with and I don't think I can cope another year of him constantly having to go away with family to see family without taking medication for my anxiety. I know it's not his fault, I have seen his family make plans for them all to go away and he doesn't really get much of a say in it. He just has to go. I respect that though. I just wish it didnt have to be so often.
I have lived here for 10 years. I haven't gone away even once to see family in 10 years, and I'm perfectly fine. They don't come to see me and I don't go to see them, I think that's a fair deal. I know that not all families are the same but for once in like, ever, I wish his family would just not make him go away so soon. My health kind of really needs a break and I would be pretty thankful.
But I love him so much. More than I ever thought I could possibly love someone and if being anxious, dealing with his family making him go away all the time is what I have to deal with then I will because I love him with all my heart and I will put up with the whole universe just for him.
